The reason it's called Me, is because I realized that since leaving 'the workplace', I don't have anyone around me giving me a hard time about who I am, how I do something or what I say. That is a revelation that I could not be Who I Am, in that workplace. Surrounded. I was totally surrounded with people that did not feed m y soul whatsoever. I hope I was a force of good things while I was there. But maybe that is a reflection, what I saw and felt I received form others there. I have to believe there was a lot of very toxic draining energy there. Because I feel the release of it. And hopefully one day soon, I won't feel the need to reflect on it, and with quite such clarity.
I do have the winter blues a bit, I wish I could snowshoe more. I think I went maybe six days in a row, or several days in a week's period. Now it's too cold again, and there was a big meltdown a few days ago, with rain and more rain. The leak in our downstairs room showed up more. Gutters need fixed and probably replaced by a professional.
The sun is shining though now, and it 14 degrees. Sigh.
Sunday, January 14, 2018
Friday, January 12, 2018
Creation
To create, is to fulfill life's purpose for us.
We are the stars in our own picture.
The artist in our painting.
The poem spoken from our lips.
The love in the Divine's eye.
One of, no my best watercolor ever.
I don't know how this came out of me, but it did!
Tuesday, January 9, 2018
Full Day!
Well, today was a wonderful day. I got my hair cut too short at 9 am, but I did get to sit on the couch and drink a French press dark coffee, and eat my last cranberry choc chip oatmeal cookie. Good early morning. Then I think I went to Rite Aid? bought some beef jerky. Went to Salvation Army and dropped off three boxes. That's pretty awesome, clearing stuff out. Then, lets see, I went to Hobby lobby and bought a portfolio for my art (!) - for my Color Theory that started yesterday, and also bought a vellum pad. Sigh.
Lets skip to the most recent thing I did today - I drove north and met Kim to snowshoes off Fontinalis Road. It was nice - the sun was out, and it wasn't windy. Oh, and it was in the low 20s which actually felt warm today.
In between, I washed my car of the salt and layers of slush and sand. Went to GACA, talked with Karen for a while - I hope I helped her a bit. It must suck to be a perfectionist.
Anyhow, then saw GORNO at the barber on the corner! I had to hug him it was so good to see him. It made me smile and feel really good.
If I could sign in and stay signed into my Lycos, I'd send a pic off my ipad to my email and open it up on this laptop and upload it to my blog today. But, that sounds like an awful lot of work right now!
Quick note - Twice I have seen an ad for McClaren hospitals, and both were from a woman talking about mediation and it's benefits. They showed a lot of activities that I believe are important, so I'm wondering if there is a facility like assisted living that is actually part of McClaren hospitals? How awesome and perfect would that be? It think that could be an interesting career for me at this stage in my life - I totally believe in all the good health information I've absorbed over the last 20 or 30 years. In particular the spiritual studies.
You know what else? I'm really happy today, not because I wasn't working, but because I haven't been working at the DNR. That office setting, up front, was really toxic to me. How did I ever last that long? Oh my God, truly. How did I make it out, alive, sitting there day in and day out? And, why pray tell did I do that? Pretty much no other reason than for the money. That's pretty awful. Not sure if it was worth the 401K.
Interesting night. Am I moving toward my dream life, now that my life is not about going into a workplace that takes away my energy, but does not give it back? Does that make sense? Maybe it's me, that I need to give my work my energy and heart, and then it will.
Tomorrow, hopefully I'll do my homework assignments for Color Theory - including the reading! And I'll practice yoga tomorrow since I missed it today. And I really should fit that half hour meditation I wanted to listen to, by Joe Tracey. I don't see me going to GACA for the Artful Wednesday, even though it sounded really fun, and probably a good interaction.
Lets skip to the most recent thing I did today - I drove north and met Kim to snowshoes off Fontinalis Road. It was nice - the sun was out, and it wasn't windy. Oh, and it was in the low 20s which actually felt warm today.
In between, I washed my car of the salt and layers of slush and sand. Went to GACA, talked with Karen for a while - I hope I helped her a bit. It must suck to be a perfectionist.
Anyhow, then saw GORNO at the barber on the corner! I had to hug him it was so good to see him. It made me smile and feel really good.
If I could sign in and stay signed into my Lycos, I'd send a pic off my ipad to my email and open it up on this laptop and upload it to my blog today. But, that sounds like an awful lot of work right now!
Quick note - Twice I have seen an ad for McClaren hospitals, and both were from a woman talking about mediation and it's benefits. They showed a lot of activities that I believe are important, so I'm wondering if there is a facility like assisted living that is actually part of McClaren hospitals? How awesome and perfect would that be? It think that could be an interesting career for me at this stage in my life - I totally believe in all the good health information I've absorbed over the last 20 or 30 years. In particular the spiritual studies.
You know what else? I'm really happy today, not because I wasn't working, but because I haven't been working at the DNR. That office setting, up front, was really toxic to me. How did I ever last that long? Oh my God, truly. How did I make it out, alive, sitting there day in and day out? And, why pray tell did I do that? Pretty much no other reason than for the money. That's pretty awful. Not sure if it was worth the 401K.
Interesting night. Am I moving toward my dream life, now that my life is not about going into a workplace that takes away my energy, but does not give it back? Does that make sense? Maybe it's me, that I need to give my work my energy and heart, and then it will.
Tomorrow, hopefully I'll do my homework assignments for Color Theory - including the reading! And I'll practice yoga tomorrow since I missed it today. And I really should fit that half hour meditation I wanted to listen to, by Joe Tracey. I don't see me going to GACA for the Artful Wednesday, even though it sounded really fun, and probably a good interaction.
Friday, January 5, 2018
I'm Free
Listening to The Who's Tommy. I used to know all the words to both albums.
I've been free for in essence two days now. Or is it three? My last day as a secretary was...the 29th. It's almost surreal. I feel free. For the last almost 40 years, I've had a full-time job, and no real freedom in between. I guess selling real estate wasn't exactly full time, but it was consuming. And at that time, so was my relationship.
Why do we put all we have into a relationship that is doomed from the start? And why do we try so hard, and hope to force things that aren't meant to be? Well, some of us do that, and I have no idea why.
Getting back to my new adventure - 2018's word is REINVENT.
I like the way that sounds. Reinvent. So many grand ideas come to mind. Practicing more yoga and meditation are just a few. Maybe spend more time at Song of the Morning Ranch? Taking the Color Theory class is perfect too. And Tuesday I get to pick up a refurbished laptop, that can support Microsoft 7, instead of Vista like this one. Which means....I can spend time hopefully every day with Rosetta Stone German. I have so many plans it's actually quite exciting!
I'm sitting here thinking of all the years I've been under someone else's rule. And lived the life someone else wanted me to live. Years ago, a therapist told me I was an enabler, and I can admit I have been, and at times probably still am.
My time is now. I feel it like never before. I am free of my daily job, I'm free of two females who affected me negatively almost every day for the last 15 years. And in a way, I'm free of the rule of anyone in my world. At least for now- in essence leaving me with 9 hours a day during a work week to discover and create the True person I am, and was meant to be.
Maybe I will be able to take more lessons with various artists. Mosaic, maybe sewing of some sort, Tracy Verdugo, or Catherine Carey is the local option for sure. How about that for dreaming?
I've been free for in essence two days now. Or is it three? My last day as a secretary was...the 29th. It's almost surreal. I feel free. For the last almost 40 years, I've had a full-time job, and no real freedom in between. I guess selling real estate wasn't exactly full time, but it was consuming. And at that time, so was my relationship.
Why do we put all we have into a relationship that is doomed from the start? And why do we try so hard, and hope to force things that aren't meant to be? Well, some of us do that, and I have no idea why.
Getting back to my new adventure - 2018's word is REINVENT.
I like the way that sounds. Reinvent. So many grand ideas come to mind. Practicing more yoga and meditation are just a few. Maybe spend more time at Song of the Morning Ranch? Taking the Color Theory class is perfect too. And Tuesday I get to pick up a refurbished laptop, that can support Microsoft 7, instead of Vista like this one. Which means....I can spend time hopefully every day with Rosetta Stone German. I have so many plans it's actually quite exciting!
I'm sitting here thinking of all the years I've been under someone else's rule. And lived the life someone else wanted me to live. Years ago, a therapist told me I was an enabler, and I can admit I have been, and at times probably still am.
My time is now. I feel it like never before. I am free of my daily job, I'm free of two females who affected me negatively almost every day for the last 15 years. And in a way, I'm free of the rule of anyone in my world. At least for now- in essence leaving me with 9 hours a day during a work week to discover and create the True person I am, and was meant to be.
Reinvention
That is the word. For me. At this time in my life, as it is now. Next, the word that comes to mind, is free. I feel free for the first time, in...a very...long...time.
Having a great day at the end of a work week, that for the first time I didn't have. It feels pretty good. I've been organizing my books upstairs, working on a vintage bottle that is actually for me to show on my dresser.
Time to change purses too. This new one was way too small, and I don't even think I carry that much any more. Oh well, it'd be fun to have a new purse now, but I'll have to get an old one out. Gosh, the things that we worry about when we're not consumed with a job. Especially one that there's no passion.
Having a great day at the end of a work week, that for the first time I didn't have. It feels pretty good. I've been organizing my books upstairs, working on a vintage bottle that is actually for me to show on my dresser.
Time to change purses too. This new one was way too small, and I don't even think I carry that much any more. Oh well, it'd be fun to have a new purse now, but I'll have to get an old one out. Gosh, the things that we worry about when we're not consumed with a job. Especially one that there's no passion.
Update at 5 minutes to 1 - I am on fire today! I am just sitting down to eat, and haven't really thought of it until minutes ago. how awesome is that? I have cleared out junk, emptied and straightened somewhat out my work art table downstairs, I've organized a couple boxes for Salvation Army, blogged a little, and actually got out another purse that I think should do for the rest of the winter. Oh, did I say I cleared out all the books on the 'footstool/table) in my spare bedroom? I moved most of them to inside the closet where most of my interesting books are. And moved some shoes. It just feels great to have the time to do this! I just walked to the mailbox before eating, and it's still -3 degrees1 It was 17 or something below 0 when I got up at...5:30 ish this morning. All over the country, and probably the world, we are setting records of flooding, cold, hot, dry, dying coral reefs, dying species - all at a rapid rate. Crazy that the leaders of our once free and beautiful country are so greedy that money and gain and profit and things and excess are what drives them. Another update later!
My gosh what an awesome day. I got so much done. And I swept the floors, and cut my paint tarp into three pieces and then sewed the ends of each piece. Very productive. And I cleaned the parts ot the vacuum. I like this new keyboard too. I grabbed the cash from the money I got from the law dogs for my retirement.
Saturday, November 19, 2016
Blustery November Day
Blowing snow, really the first wintry day this season. I am so glad for that too. Today was quite a lazy day, and I loved it. Short week next week for the Thanksgiving holiday. Dogs at my feet, red wine in my glass, and BBC's Sherlock Holmes on the Telly. Life is good...
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